Life Lessons
HAVE A LAUGH
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED......................
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED.............................
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD...............
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE..............
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS.................
* At age 4 success is ... not peeing in your pants.
* At age 12 success is ... having friends.
* At age 16 success is ... having a drivers license.
* At age 20 success is ... having sex.
* At age 35 success is ... having money.
* At age 50 success is ... having money.
* At age 60 success is ... having sex.
* At age 70 success is ... having a drivers license.
* At age 75 success is ... having friends.
* At age 80 success is ... not peeing in your pants.
THIS IS PART OF OUR DAILY LIFE
They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......
- I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
- I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
- I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
- I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
- I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
- I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
- I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
- I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
- I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
- I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
- I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
- I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
- I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
- I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
- I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
- I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
- I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
- I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
- I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
- I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
- I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
- I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
- I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
- I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
- I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
- I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
- I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
- I've learned ... That it is best to give2 advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
- I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.