The Girl Next Door

Here is a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vaccant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter natually took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envolope containing ten dollors. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she takes her ten dollors "pay" to the bank to start a saving account. The littel girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, " I worked last week with a real work crew building the new house next door to us. "Oh my godness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The litttle girl replied, " I will, if those ass holes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of bring a tear to the eye - does't it?

Meth test Place: Interview room in the hospital

Psychologist:: Today, if you pass the test, you will join the hospital contest next month. Johnny, 3 multiples by 3. What is the answer? Johnny: The answer is 127. Psychologist: O.K. Paul what is answer ? Paul: The answer is Thursday. Psychologist: What is your answer, Ken? Ken: The answer is 9. Psychologist: Well, how you fingered it out. Ken: It is easy. 127 divided by Thursday is 9.

The car ride

A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. " This is great", he thought, accelerating to an even higher speed. But then he eventually looked in the rear-view mirror there was a police car behind him, blue lights flashing. " I can get away from him, flying down the road at over 200 mph to escape. Then he thought, " what the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this!" He puled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The police pulled behind the Porche and walked up to he driver's side and said, " Sir, my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday. If you can give a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man looked at the policeman and replied, " Last week my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back !" The Policemlan shook his head and smiled. " Have a nice day" he said.

HEALTH PLANS

A WEALTHY HOSPITAL BENEFACTOR WAS VISITING THE HOSPITAL WHEN, DURING HER TOUR, SHE PASSED A ROOM WHERE A MALE PATIENT WAS MASTURBATING. "OH MY GOD!" SCREAMED THE WOMAN. "THAT'S DISGRACEFUL! WHY IS HE DOING THAT?" THE DOCTOR THAT WAS LEADING THE TOUR EXPLAINED, "I AM VERY SORRY... BUT THIS MAN HAS A SERIOUS CONDITION WHERE THE TESTICLES RAPIDLY FILL WITH SEMEN. IF HE DOESN'T DO THAT FIVE TIMES A DAY, HE'LL BE IN EXTREME PAIN AND HIS TESTICLES COULD RUPTURE. "OH, WELL IN THAT CASE, I GUESS IT'S OK," COMMENTED THE WOMAN. IN THE VERY NEXT ROOM THEY COULD SEE THAT A NURSE WAS PERFORMING ORAL SEX ON A DIFFERENT MALE PATIENT. AGAIN THE WOMAN SCREAMED "OH MY GOD! HOW CAN THAT BE JUSTIFIED?" THE DOCTOR REPLIED... "SAME ILLNESS, BETTER HEALTH PLAN."

Policeman testifies in Court If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility ... Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away." Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene." Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir. With my life." Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do! " Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do." Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir." Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." Give us a sense of humor,Give us the grace to see a joke,To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk